Today I’d like to chat a bit about relationships. Well, not really about relationships, but actually about how you get to be in a relationship, that is about how you start dating. Although I think a lot of people here in Romania don’t really grasp this concept or put it into practice. But let’s not get sidetracked here.
In my not very long, but quite diverse experience with dating, I’ve found that there are basically 2 ways that you start dating someone, both with their risks and advantages. So let’s analyze.
1. The gutsy declaration. This first approach is the more direct one – you simply need to gather the balls to go up to the person you fancy and tell them what you feel. Ask them out and that’s that. Quick and painless. At times, this particular means of making a pass on someone can resemble being blindsided by a breakup, only it’s not aiming to give you the boot from a relationship, it’s trying to shock you into one. 🙂 What goes through the mind of someone who is blindsided this way? Well, it’s probably something like “Huh? What? Where? Hold on, huh?…”
2. The game. The second method is more lengthy and can sometimes backfire when it exceeds a certain amount of time. In the latter case, one of the two individuals involved will subtly be pushed into the dreaded friend zone!! Oh, the horror!
There is yet another possibility, besides the two mentioned before. Ladies and gentlemen, a variation on the phantom date, I give you the phantom relationship. So what is the phantom relationship? Here’s my experience with it: we were both clearly interested in getting together, but after some discussions decided that we would be friends since I did not want a long distance thing. We met now and then and things were always friendly-flirty. This lasted for quite a long while and when we finally got together things just did not seem to click anymore and the whole thing just fizzled. The difference between this and the phantom date is that there are a few dates that take place but there’s too much time between them to consolidate the inital attraction/connection. (oh, and one thing I probably should have mentioned from the start – I don’t believe in long distance relationships; if it’s long distance, it’s not a relationship in the real sense of the word)
Each of the two main approaches has pros and cons. With the direct approach, if it works out in your favour, it’s awesome, you suddenly feel like the king/queen of the world. In the event that you get rejected, at least it doesn’t last long and you know you’ve got it off your chest. With the game, you take a risk on the long term, since you could be investing in something that might not go any further than superficial flirting. But ain’t it just so damn fun? ;)) If it does get the expected results (a relationship or maybe even just a fling), all the taunting, the teasing, the subtle hints, the shy touches and the barely sublimated attraction will make for a very natural way of achieving those results.
I’ve been on both sides of the direct approach. I’ve also played the game with variable results — nothing more than flirting and we both knew it, a short-lived fling and, of course, the doozy – a three-year relationship. It doesn’t matter how you turn it around, they both have their risks and their rewards. In the end it’s a matter of personal choice. (oh, and praying to God that it works out the way you want it to 😛 )