As of now – writing project is oficially placed on hold. Reason for hold: too close for comfort.
I’m in such a point in my life right now where I think I’ve been longing to be for a long time – at peace with a person I hold awfully dear. But after months of no contact at all, this sudden reconnecting has brought me much to close to certain feelings and memories, which have resurfaced and have swept away the silence and the numbness in a manner similar to a tidal wave – no warning, just a sound in the distance and then it was too late to fight it.
So now I’m trying to reach a balance – not too close to prevent me from breathing, but not too far away to be tortured by the missing. Not that close that there’s no means of pushing away the flood of memories, but not that far that the memories and sensations become translucent and devoid of substance, like ghosts.
What I need in order to be able to go on with this project is to take some distance, the optimal distance for viewing and for drawing on the past, but without too much involvement.
To the past: “I know I’ve promised you it won’t be much longer and that I’d let you rest. But please bear with me a while more.”
On hold for now – just until I’ve managed to sift through the landslide of sensations.