It’s almost three years now since I first became aware of a stange feeling. Nothing in particular happening in my life. Nothing devastatingly bad, nothing amazingly good. There was a silence, a quiet that I had not noticed before. The best way I managed to describe it was by resorting to the old phrase “in the eye of the storm”.
In the eye of the storm, the silence is eery, it’s terribly unusual. You know the rain and the wind have not passed yet and that the quiet is deceiving. You know there’s something more coming your way, but there’s nothing else to do but wait for the second wave to hit you – full force. The second wave of an emotional storm.
The peace I thought I had achieved with someone who meant so much to me for so long was nothing more than the eye of the storm. Something felt off while it lasted, it was forced and I knew it full well, but I was trying to fool myself because I wanted it to be true. I so badly wanted it to be true. It was not and I don’t think it can be. At least not for some years from now on.
The second wave hit. It passed over me and it washed away any doubts and “what if’s” that I still might have had in my heart. Now I can notice the first rays of sun breaking through the clouds. I believe they’re called “angel wings”. Promising, don’t you think?