Let me just start off today’s post by re-stating something that I should think is pretty obvious by now – I am an idealist. No matter how many disappointments, no matter how much saddness I’ve experienced in my life, there’s always been a small part of my soul that’s kept on hoping and believing. At this point, even though the situation of my sentimental life eludes my ability to provide a rational explanation for it (thus preventing me from making any sort of rational decisions in this respect), that stubborn little blind spot in my heart keeps on pulsating.
But that’s not exactly what I wanted to write about. There’s some of us who tend to talk big words. Of course, most of those words end up scaring us half to death and we start running and pushing people away 5 minutes after we’ve said them, but that’s not what I wanted to write about either. I just happen to know one member of that fascinating group myself. Still, every now and again, this one person whose role in my life is not exactly clear to me right now says something that gets stuck in my mind. This is what I wanted to write about.
During one of our long, amazing talks about everything from God to the latest episodes of Futurama, he made a valid point about what truly matters in a relationship and what you remember fondly after the relationship is over. It’s those moments together doing things which are so far from the realm of the outstanding that they could even be labled as boring, had they not been so filled with joy and a sense of goodness.
I know I’ve been running around saying that going out dancing and going to parties is oh so awesomely awesome. Because it is. But after a few years of being with someone or after the relationship has come to its end, it’s not the nights spent clubbing that you’re left with. Not at all! What you will remember and what will put a smile on your face are the evenings spent making pasta and watching movies on your couch at home. Or the times when you decided you both needed to get fitter and started jogging together. Or those late evenings when you would just pop open a bottle of red and sit on the balcony or in the kitchen and talk and talk and talk about everything and nothing. Or maybe those sweet middle of the afternoon naps, when you would lay in bed with your arms wrapped around each other and just drifted off to dream.
Naturally, a big gesture once in a while never hurts – they’re the ones that spice up life. But it’s ultimately the little, seemingly not that important things that will make my heart feel all warm and fuzzy. It’s just a message saying “Look up at the moon, it’s really pretty” or an 11 pm-visit when you’re feeling sick, bringing you chicken soup to fight off the cold.
These are the moments that matter, the every day things, the small joys of an inside joke between lovers or of sharing the last piece of the chocolate you actually had bought for him. I am an idealist. And he was so right.
Don’t take back those big words, not this time, please. They’re perhaps some of the biggest ones you’ve ever said to me.