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This summer started early. It came to me with an unsettling sense of déjà vu I’ve been doing my best to get rid of, but just can’t seem to be able to shake off.

Still the same I was back then, but so far removed from that person. My heart is just as willing to love and to risk tears and bruises for the sake of loving. But my head has started to get the best of me, winning in disputes with my heart that could never have been won by reason a couple of years back.

(In)decisions, (in)decisions…The days are getting longer. Their warmth caresses skin that’s turning a shade of cinnamon. And oh, those summer nights – too short for the dreams I’ve yet to dream, their air too fragrant with the scent of acacia flowers for me to sleep.

I’m (truly) living and it’s no easy task. I’m learning and it’s harder than I ever could have imagined in all my days as a school girl or as a university student. I’ve started to anticipate. I can spot a life lesson coming from miles away; and I know full well if  it’s going to be a painful one. But I don’t steer away anymore.

I’ll dream of happiness these summer nights, even if they’re shorter than I fancy. I’ll dream of a heart that’s complete, because I know it’s not unattainable. I’ll dream of eyes that bring calmness; hands that bring comfort and arms that bring strength to love.

I’ve been ignoring the déjà vu, but in the end, I’ll be the one to face it. I just need to gather enough courage to face this lesson that’s coming in fast and cannot be avoided.

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