Blue nails and drowning in the heat. Drowning in a dream; a dreamland. That’s one thing I’ve always been great at – imagining a utopian universe for myself and dreaming up scenarios in my head. In this drowsy heat, I allow my thoughts to run wild. They deserve to be free, especially in summer.
In the battle between mind and heart, which one is going to win? When all reason fails, when no logic can be brought up, my heart is always going to prevail. And this is how I get into trouble. This is how I get hurt. I go through the same motions over and over again; I make the same mistakes time after time. Letting go is still not something I’ve learnt how to do and the pain involved in this is too scary a sensation for me to accept it as an option.
Both heart and mind want something. Between my heart’s whispers and my mind’s shouting, my heart gets my full attention. Just goes to show you that when confronted with choosing between soft whispers and demanding screams, a soothing voice goes a long way.
But the heart is also the home of reckless impulses. For once in my life, I’m so glad my head screamed too loudly for me to ignore and I did not hear my heart over those screams. I did not run, I did not cry. And yet, these impulses so often help get events moving faster in the direction they were heading to anyway, they help situations get sorted out, even if not with the conclusions I was wishing for.
My heart whispers. How could I ignore it for even one second when my heart is who I am?