I’m not looking for answers, I’m looking for signs. I’m not looking for certainties, I’m looking for wanting.
Though signs are answers in themselves, too, come to think of it. Just as long as you know how to properly read them, where to look for them and so long as you’re quick enough to spot them before they fade away back into the mundane.
I dreamt you were gone and I woke up with a heavy heart. No, not dead. Nor having walked away. Just gone, never been, never born. Never having walked the earth, never having crossed paths.
I was about to tell you something when someone pulled me away: “Come on, you have all the time in the world to talk some other day.” Somewhere in this dream world, the sun had gone down and risen without me realizing it, and I found myself living a new day. I called you, but another voice answered: “You’re looking for who?[…] No, this number’s belonged to me for more than 10 years now.”
Nobody knew who I was talking about. Everybody denied your existence: friends, family, institutions. I’d never be able to tell you what I wanted to. So in my dream I cried, I just cried myself awake.