2012 was a long year. Actually, no, it wasn’t – it has – it’s not over yet, there are still almost 5 hours until the clock strikes midnight and everybody in this time zone toasts a glass of champagne to the New Year. Well, from a scientific point of view, 2012 had 365 days, so not at all longer than most other Earth years; but it felt long – winding, surprising, sometimes exhausting and sometimes almost devastatingly sad, but also at time scintillating and filled with promise.
It was during a summer camp after 9th grade that I discovered writing makes me happy, provides me with the freedom of expression that I so longed for but never truly understood until that point. Years later, writing still thrills me and makes me feel like I have a voice that can be heard over the eternal murmur of billions others that were, are and will be.
My dream, my love, my soul – I’ve decided to no longer postpone this kind of happiness – the one caused by my words hitting the piece of paper (digital or not). So as a New Year’s resolution, I publicly commit to show myself before all of you through new posts at least once a week.
Another objective I want to make public is my determination that I move forward – whatever shape, colour, taste or scent that may come in. For those of you who don’t know me personally, you’re probably wondering what the big deal is, since people make pledges like this all the time – we all want to evolve, after all. It is a big deal, a huge deal, a life changing deal. You’ll see. That’s all I can say for now.
I also have a wish for 2013 – a lesson I hope to learn: that cake, you can’t have it and eat it at the same time!! The possibilities that life presents us with at one given moment can be infinite – some more advantageous, some not so much. The issue arises when two or more relatively equally positive alternatives are at my finger tips – I cannot decide for the life of me. I spend long periods of time thinking about the pros and cons, weighing the benefits and the flaws; but eventually the decision is purely and utterly emotional. This is the best case scenario – when I do make a decision. The worst case scenario? I’m so terrified that my choice will be one I will regret, that I never really budge from my present situation (at least it’s a stable one, right?…) I wish I could have my cake and eat it, too. But I can’t. Period. Accepting this and acting on it may be the hardest thing I wish to achieve in the coming year, but I have a feeling my future self will thank my present self for this resolution.
This past year I’ve been less present that I would have liked to, but for some mysterious reason, you did not give up on me. I thank you for that and wish you a New Year filled with things and people that will help you grow, make you smile and laugh, sometimes make you cry, but ultimately make you better.