This is who I am. I could list a series of attributes to describe myself – curious; fickle at times, but ultimately loyal; book lover; TV show devourer; Sci-Fi fan; hopeless idealist; relentless optimist with rare bouts of cynicism – and continue to lie to myself and the world that these will be equally representative of my being in a few months (or years) as they are now. But how long can I keep up the act, really? I’m not even the exact same person I was when I started writing this post, so how can I pretend to be able to state in an absolute manner that my being’s limits are these and only these and the borders of my soul are only up to that line drawn a few minutes ago?
It might just be me trying to define myself in a period when my circumstances are undefined and flowing. We all have those gestures or rituals that help us feel grounded and in control again whenever it seems the situation’s slipping out of our grasp. There’s nothing wrong with trying to set roots. But we are adaptable creatures, by nature. Yet again, equilibrium is the road I strive to go down. I long to get there again in a time when battling a sense of uncertainty and of shifts that could make me or break me.
So I look to the people around me for balance – the ones who’ve been with me for longer than I can remember; the ones who are just entering my line of sight; the ones who’ve shown me that, even though our roads have split for now, I made some sort of a difference during our shared slice of existence; the ones who’ve reminded me that my presence did leave a mark. Is it wise to define yourself through the people you surround yourself with? It might submit your heart’s fragile threads to immense pressure, but it’s the one way I know how to.