I like to believe I’m in control of my own existence, like a captain steering a boat down the winding and capricious river of life, instead of allowing myself to be the puppet of the arbitrary will of the river, drifting aimlessly, lacking any possibility to shift, turn or stop. And protest all you want, reproach the lack of compatibility of the previous statement with my following one, but I can’t help but also believe that there are moments of divine intervention I can’t escape – or wish to.
I’ve had these instances in life when events pieced together in what presented as more than simple coincidence. Coincidence felt like a much too handy and too simplistic explanation for the manner in which the waves either settled so suddenly and perfectly, or began stirring so violently and vindictively. It was more like someone up there stringed the moments one after the other like piecing together puzzle pieces.
I’m faced with one of those dumbfounding and unsettling moments. One of those moments when I actively decide to relinquish control in favour of an infinitely wiser higher power, and trust that timing is a major force of nature, accept that while some things are meant to be, some just aren’t. Ot at least now just now.
I step back, breathe to calm my nerves and say nothing, do nothing. It’s not my place to say anything right now, it wouldn’t feel right to push things. No, it’s not analysis paralysis this time, neither is it fear of facing the uncertainty that lies beyond those words I’m not uttering. I sit and wait for the pieces to be pushed towards each other. And I’m sure the way they will fit will be the best way.