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I was doing some much needed clean up on my laptop a couple of days ago and stumbled upon this unpublished text. It’s from 2012 and feels like a lifetime ago, yet somehow the pain and disorientation it exudes still make me cringe.

A line I heard in a TV series the other day: “There’s always a boy you like and a boy who likes you. But they’re never the same boy.” Now, this is obviously an overgeneralization. But how many times haven’t you found yourself in a situation like this? We, humans, seem to find a strange kind of pleasure from pining after what we are denied and from repeating this mistake countless times throughout our lives.

It’s not like we haven’t been warned of the danger. We’ve even worded out the warnings ourselves when friends were getting perilously close to such heart wrenching situations. Yet we single-handedly and full knowingly get our hearts into trouble.

Losing hope. Regaining it. Then losing it once more. Getting it back…The heart whispers. But how long will its soft words fall onto deaf ears before giving up – not running out of desire, but because of sheer fatigue. How long before the brain steps in to call the heart delusional and maybe even schizophrenic? “Seriously, bro’! Looks like you’re talking to yourself half the time”

Advice? No, I don’t have any. Conclusions? Afraid today I’m lacking those, too. We each learn our lessons and draw the conclusions we need to in due time. Not a day and not a second earlier.