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WordPress alerts me that it’s my blogging birthday today – 6 years ago I started writing this half confessional/half I-don’t-know-what blog that is still experiencing the growing pains of defining what its role and purpose might truly be. Sort of like myself and every other millennial in this world. But that’s OK, searching for purpose is the last thing one should be ashamed of.

For this anniversary, I wanted to write positive, uplifting things. I truly wanted to tell you about how beautiful the world is, despite the negative we might be facing now and then.

Yet at this point all I can think of is how we possess endless resources for making the ones around us suffer, both on a personal level and on a macro level. After last evening’s events (just the latest in a long string of pointless violent acts), I can’t help but wonder if the world has always been this awful and scary of a place or if it’s just that after the emergence of all these instantaneous means of communication atrocities are more salient, more immediately and easily visible. At this point, I feel gutted and hopeless.

If there’s someone, anyone out there looking at Earth from a distance and observing us, they’re probably wondering how the hell we didn’t perish as a race by now. We’ve so disappointingly learnt nothing from our past mistakes and we keep repeating history as if we didn’t have access to all this information to help us grow and evolve emotionally and psychologically. We’re so obstinate in viewing the world through the distorting lens of violence and aggression. We must look to those observers not even like animals – they kill for survival, not for vengeance and some sort of sick pleasure – but rather like brutes possessing an evolved ability to rationalise their acts of violence and to strategize their cruelty to achieve the exact desired impact.

How can we still be thinking of any human being as less than any other on this planet? Have we really learnt absolutely nothing from labelling people to find ways of arguing that some are less than others? How can anyone still rationalise murder as being something God requires of them, whatever name one might give their God? Are we that emotionally damaged and hateful at our core that we only understand to react and solve our problems through violence?

I can’t wrap my mind around how this kind of mentality and attitude survive. I don’t have the answers and I’m starting to question whether any attempt to make the world better matters in the face of all this mindless aggression. Confused and gutted is what I am right now.