It’s over. Summer is over. We may still have a few days ahead of us with temperatures topping at over 25 degrees Celsius, but the chill of the early mornings and of the dusk hour tells a different story. Fall is here and so will soon be the cosy knits and warm coats. I almost can’t stop myself from playing The Neighbourhood’s ‘Sweater Weather’ on repeat.
It may come as a shock to hear this from me, but this year I’m actually glad it’s over. It’s not that I was bothered by the intense heat – I tell anybody willing to listen how much I relish the hot sun; it only lasted a few weeks anyway, the rest was mostly afternoon showers and nighttime thunderstorms trampling on my already restless sleep.
Instead of the joy of warmth and bright light, these summer months brought for me a disturbing sensation of being transparent. It felt like I was walking around completely defenceless and altogether transparent, for anybody to see every thought whizzing by and every feeling bubbling up. While I’m all for vulnerability (I’m still here, telling you all about my woes and joys as and when they occur), it felt like more than that, to a point where it wasn’t just slightly uncomfortable, but more like anxiety inducing. Just like the next person, there are nooks and crannies of my being that I want to keep for myself instead of making public, so you can imagine why this sensation was so bothersome.
When getting to that kind of vulnerable place, the tendency is to revert to a state where we feel protected – snuggling under the blankets (with a silly, but loving kitty if possible) comes to mind, but that’s sort of difficult to do in summer. Now that the temp is dipping though, I finally feel like I can start nesting and settling into a comfortable and cosy place of my own. No kitty in the picture as of yet, but there’s a warm blanket, fluffy socks, a good book and calming music. All I can say is that it’s good.